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Platner Suspends Senate Campaign [semi-satire]

Graham Platner announced he is "suspending my campaign to be the next US Senator from Maine. Despite winning the Democratic primary last month with 150,000 votes--more than any other candidate in Maine's history--wealthy donors are demanding I step aside. The campaign of smears--that I am a Nazi, that I sent unsolicited photos of my penis to women, that I sexually abused other women--failed to deter voters from choosing me to be the Party's nominee. Now these potential donors are saying they won't provide any money for my campaign to continue to November. They will only donate if another person is...